No posts in about (one, two, three...) EVAR.

I'm sorry,
I've just been so busy with school and my intense sexual/romantic life which I definitely have.

If you guys have found out about the rest of the Internet (Yes, besides me) there is a thing called "YouTube".

I put up a video on there (and now two) that is a gameplay/commentary with Eli, my homie.

It's called Happy Hour with Samir and Eli.

Prague man, czhech it out.

AMERICAN FLAG BLUEPRINT
(FOR MINECRAFT)

WBWBWBWBWBWBWBWBWBWB  -R15-
BWBWBWBWBWBWBWBWBWBW  -W15-
WBWBWBWBWBWBWBWBWBWB  -R15-
BWBWBWBWBWBWBWBWBWBW  -W15-
WBWBWBWBWBWBWBWBWBWB  -R15-
BWBWBWBWBWBWBWBWBWBW  -W15-
WBWBWBWBWBWBWBWBWBWB  -R15-
BWBWBWBWBWBWBWBWBWBW  -W15-
WBWBWBWBWBWBWBWBWBWB  -R15-
BWBWBWBWBWBWBWBWBWBW  -W15-
              -R35-                     -R35-
              -W35-                    -W35-
              -R35-                     -R35-

Supplies:
Dyeable wool:160
White wool/Sand:160
Blue dye:50
Red dye:110

Sheep drop 1-3 wool blocks each. With a minimum of 320 wool needed, that will be around 160 sheep that need to be harvested. An option is to replace the white wool with sand or snow, which should save time and reduce the wool needed by half, cutting down the sheep harvesting down to about 80 instead of 160.

The dyes will be slightly harder to get. Blue dye is only obtained by mining lapis lazuli,which is a ore that is very rare. A way to combat the rarity of lapis lazuli is to mix blue dye and bone meal (white dye) so you get TWO light blue dye blocks that will cut your need of lapis lazuli down another half. Red will be easier because it is made from the roses dotted around the ground.

Another strategy you could use is instead of dying each wool block separately, you can directly dye a sheep with a dye, giving you 1-3 dyed wool blocks per each block of dye. This would cut down need for dye by half, making the minimum amount of blue dye only 25 and red to about 55.


Well you guys who play minecraft, you are awesome and here is a blueprint for a full size American flag.

FTW.

Today was very epic.

Right when I woke up I went and played some black ops-

BAM I prestiged! EPIC!

After I got tired of black ops I finished my comic book-

TOO FREAKING EPIC!

MORE BLACK OPS! EPIC!

I watched dragon ball Z on nick toons-

MUCH TOO EPIC!

Eli came over and we recorded some commentary for our gameplay-

HILARIOUS! AND EPIC!

Going to bed at 4:00 AM-

EPIC WIN!

WAAAALRUUUUUUUSS!!!!

"And you shall see the true power of the candy kingdom!"

I freaking love Adventure Time with Finn and Jake.
Too cool for school.

I'm sorry I didn't give you a real post for aboot two weeks and not even a real one last time, I was tired.

Freakin baseball tryouts, deys actually perty fun,
AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!! Stupid accent.

My face hurts and I'm listening to Toby Turner so my mind is melting you should watch him on YouTube OH BOY! I'm distracted I should finish this post.

Did you know the iPhone/iPad spellcheck corrects tryouts to redhouse? WTF white people?

Oh my god too much YouTube for one man to handle.

And yes, I am a man, I just took a shower then I took a shave.

Peace off.

Buh da doo doo doo doo doo subscrieeeeb.

Well, geez.

I haven't posted anything in about twelve years now so I think I'll write something up.

That was it.

Merry Christmas.

If you are an avid follower of my blog (aka a unicorn), you will notice that my blog posts are usually posted at around 9:30-2:00.

This is because I, like many other Americans, sleep less than a hooker on Thursday.

Also, I write a lot about women.

I am a man. Therefore, I don't have a huge range of thought. Here is a list of things I'll think about on a daily basis.

Women, food, women, food, video games, women, sex, food, women, food, SHIT HOMEWORK, food.

Thank you everybody, and have a nice evening

Well me and my friend eli are going to do some COD:Black Ops gameplay and commentary but we don't have all of our equipment ready yet,
This gives us time to think of a name for our show.
Ideas so far:
Sammer and Eli's happy hour
Dateline with Chris Hansen


That's it.
Send us Ideas.
Por favor.

Why do women do the things they do,
Please, someone tell me,
Before I die.

As you guys know, I am very musical.

But as of the moment, I can't finish writing my song.

I mean, holy shit, it's really fucking hard.

First of all, I can't play guitar to save my life. This leaves me with the instruments I can play.

•Trumpet
•Bass
•Tuba
•Ukelele
•Piano

Yeeaaaaahhhh...
Not much to work with.

Piano can do cool shit though.

Imma try and work with that.

Well, as you know, I am a human.

Therefore, I must eat food.

Now and then comes a time.

Where there is no food.

Now that, ladies and gentlemen.

Is when I go to Safeway.

And buy me some waffles.

Have you guys heard about this thing called "Phone Sex"?

I think I might try that out,
But,
You know,
Without the phones,

Those would just get in the way.

Well, I went to a concert last night.

'twas super good.

Marta Alvarez kickin' ass on the guitar and singing,
She sang a bunch of songs by other people but then played an original,

It was AMAZING.

Even I,
the great Sheen McHooker,
Could not top that

After her, there was "The Vat"
They were also perty darn freaking good.

Their guitarist was shredding like a minimum wage Mexican shredding cheese at a cheese factory.

Yes, that good.

Once again, 'twas a kick ass night.

After I went home, I prestieged,
Sooo... Double kill.

I wrote you guys a seduction song
Here it is:

Oh snap, sexy lady

I want you to hold my baby

Come, to my house, we'll eat cheese and bread

Then after that we'll sex it up in the bed

Maybe some other time we will order some Mexican

Right after that we will sex it up again

It has come to my attention that people have been reading my blog.
That is not the purpose of this blog.
The purpose of this blog is so I can write stuff on the Internet that no one gets to read.
Yeah, you. I'm talking to you,
Old woman and man couple.
Please exit the premises.
And you,
You blind, quadriplegic, amputee.
Get outta here.
Stat.
But first,
I made you cookies,
You know how I love to bake you guys stuff.

(::) (::) (::) (::)

You're welcome.

Today's topic: Shitty Spelling

A shitty spelling dictionary

Laughd:licked

Gud:goat

Lol:pill

Bre:get

Fsho:tiger

Example:
Let's bre a lol before a fsho gets us.
Why is this gud laughding my arm?

Just bought the new Call of Duty:Black Ops first strike map pack.
So far, I haven't played any of the multiplayer maps, but the new zombie map, Ascension, is totally kick ass.
The new Gersh device is ridiculous and when you jump through it you get teleported any where on the map.
Nerd blabber derga derk video games alpha processor quantum transmoglifier delta shock pattern detulkadator. 
 Watch "Crime Cops" on YouTube, it has KassemG.
He's so funny.
It's ridiculous.

In other news:
I'm almost done with my observatory.
On my house.
In minecraft.
FTW.

P.S. I'm bad at women.

BAM

What if men had periods.

1. 13x more people would die each day!
2. Domestic violence? Up 470%!
3. Bacon sales up 346%!
4. I would be dead!
5. You would be dead!

Things to do:

1. Open up a mortuary/funeral home
2. Run away.
3. Die.

Think about it!

What's the one thing I haven't talked about in my blog?
1. Turtles
2. Wizards
3. Elephants
4. Ghosts
5. Mexicans

You get one guess.
If you have to check, you lose.
Let the games begin.

Well as you guys know, I'm super good at keeping my blog posts coming in at a steady rate, but this one is kinda late. Because of this I made you a cake.
I already ate it.
It was super good.
Here's a wizard.

<(:|)<-<

URGENT MESSAGE:
I am sorry all you non-cool people out there that God had to use up a bunch of pure coolness to make me, therefore leaving less coolness for you and consequently making you less cool.
I, Chuck Norris, Eva Habermann, and Angelina Jolie also offer a second apology to the unattractive and unsuccessful people for God decided to add a little bit more sexiness into us.
Thank you, and good night.
Samir Himes

For christmas I got this book of chuck Norris jokes, here are some good ones:
Chuck Norris once shot down a German plane down with his finger by pointing at it and yelling "BANG!".
Chuck Norris can stop time for up to two hours by thinking about pineapples.
If Chuck Norris had a dollar and you had a dollar, Chuck Norris would kick your ass and take your dollar.
Chuck Norris began the Church of England in 1799, back when his name was "England".
Chuck Norris is considered a prime number in certain schools in Ontario.
The only person to ever beat Chuck Norris in the game of rock-paper-scissors was a Mexican astronaut that went by the alias "Eduardo th Magnificent".
Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.
Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day.

Thank you everyone for reading this post and my blog.
Merry Knishmas

Finally back from Yosemite, otherwise known as hell with snow and Ansell Adams.
When we arrived at the hotel, we found out that a rockslide had blocked the road into yosemite and the Only other way was a four hour trip each way.
So far it was going pretty great.
What we ended up doing was staying in our room and playing Settlers of Catan for like three hours.
The best part was having no Internet connection OR any signal on my phone.
The road finally cleared up at around nine-o-clock our last night at the hotel so the next morning we drove over to the Ahwanee Hotel and played some more Settlers of Catan.
At the Ahwanee I finally had a signal so I look at my phone and I find out I have around eight missed text messages.
On the trip back we got some pizza.
When we got home I checked my phone again and there were three missed text messages and four missed calls.
I took like six or so pictures and I might put 'em up on Facebook or something, I'm not sure yet.