URGENT MESSAGE:
I am sorry all you non-cool people out there that God had to use up a bunch of pure coolness to make me, therefore leaving less coolness for you and consequently making you less cool.
I, Chuck Norris, Eva Habermann, and Angelina Jolie also offer a second apology to the unattractive and unsuccessful people for God decided to add a little bit more sexiness into us.
Thank you, and good night.
Samir Himes